A Step in the Right Direction

Let me take a quick break from all the fluff and stuff to share a moment with you.

These last few weeks have been full of the highest of highs and extreme lows.

My step son has been in my life since he was three. I love to say he was the son I got to pick, the other two I just was given.

There was always this line I was scared to cross. This stupid line “I’m not his mom and I can’t step on the toes of his real mom.”

His mom lived in California. We’ve lived in Arkansas since he was in fifth grade. I’ve been his mom. Full time. But always been afraid to give my full-time mom self to him. This sucks and is so hard to say, but I know my feelings aren’t something I share alone.

A couple of weeks ago, very unexpectedly, his mom passed away. This shocking time has brought the realization to me of this line that’s now gone. I’m his mom. There are no more toes to step on….but why the heck did it take me this long to realize it???

If my children had a step parent I would beg that parent to love them with no restraints. No child needs less love! I know his mom would agree. We talked a few weeks ago for almost an hour about the highs and lows of being his mom and she thanked me for being there for him.

By no means am I saying I loved him less. There were times when I’d hold back from extra hugs because I’d hate to seem to be replacing his mom. I’d always expect my husband to do all the correcting when needed. Then, when he wouldn’t correct things soon enough I’d get extra frustrated and blow up. If I had felt the freedom to just say hey stop this or that there would have been no build up.

Stupid right? It feels so petty now and years of wasted anxiety over something I should have known from the get go….I am his mom.

My step son just graduated high school, last weekend. I celebrated with him with no fear of lines and no holding back. He is mine, he has always been mine, and I am no longer looking back. The past is what it was and the future is full of potential.